Pat and Kat teach at Hogwarts
by Star Katt
Summary: See inside for summary
1. Summary

Pat & Kat teach at Hogwarts  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned the Harry Potter characters I would not be writing about them on a fan fiction site. Plus, I would have changed what happened at the end of the 5th book.  
  
Patricia & Kathryn went to school when Harry's parents did as exchange students from the US. Pat & Kat were the best friends of Lily. They were at the Potter's wedding & went to their funeral. Lately they have been in the US, Virginia to be exact. They have been called back to Hogwarts to teach the new subjects that Hogwarts has introduced. Watch as the fun unfolds around them as the Dream Team and the Terrible Trio, plus other people thrown in for fun, meet two very eccentric teachers. Plus a couple favorite adults come back. Who are the adults? What are the new subjects? What happened to my other sock? What is with these new teachers? Why do they have a white wolf following them? All these questions and more will be answered in "PAT & KAT TEACH AT HOGWARTS."  
  
Set in Harry's 7th year, Ginny has skipped her 6th year and has gone straight to 7th year, and 'Ol Voldie is dead, maybe.  
  
So, tell me what u think. If I get at least 5 reviews then I'll continue this story. But, you need to review. Ohhhh, and check out my other stories. L8r peoples ^_^ 


	2. I'm not crazy

Disclaimer: Lamp-MINE! Game-MINE! Pillow-MINE! HP characters-NOT MINE! HERS! *points 2 J.K. Rowling* DON'T SUE!  
  
Mid-July  
  
  
Two women walked into the town of Hogsmead. One was 5' 6", had short blonde hair, blue eyes, and was the tiniest bit overweight. The other was 5' 4", had medium brown hair, brown eyes, and was a bit more overweight than her blonde companion, they were both about 30 years old. In the looks department they were pretty average. They looked normal, well as normal as you can get in the only all witch/wizard town in the UK, nothing out of the ordinary. Or, they wouldn't have looked out of the ordinary if they hadn't been trying to walk while they were doubled over in laughter about a sea turtle who talked like a surfer dude. They had nearly gotten over it when they walked into "Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes."   
  
"Can I help you?" Asked Fred as he & George stepped from the back room. "Pat, I think I used up all the oxygen in my brain from laughing." The brunette said to the blonde. "Why's that, Kat?" "Cause I'm seein doubles." "YOU BLONDE!" Pat rolled her eyes. "They're twins." "Oh, ok." "Can I help you?" Fred asked again, a little bit annoyed. "No, but thanks any ways." Kat said. "Come on Pat, we need to get those 'items.' Oh yessss," Pat replied," 'items.' "   
  
Fred went back to the register to help George out while Kat & Pat went wandering around the store randomly picking up things to "ooo" and "ahh" over. When they saw what they wanted Kat shouted "DUDE!" really loudly making George jump a foot in the air. Kat & Pat walked up to the registers. Kat went to the one that George was working and Pat went to the one Fred was working.   
  
"Hiya!" Kat said. "Hi." George smiled back at her as he rang up what she bought, lots of Canary Creams. "You sure do have a lot of CC's here. Mind if I ask what they're for?" Nope, don't mind at all. The CC's I'm buyin & the dung bombs Pats buyin are for when the brats we're teachn get detention." George raised his eyebrow at this. "Oh, and exactly where are you going to be teaching?" "At Hogwarts course. Me and Pat are." "Really. And what subject are you teaching?" "Mythology. But its only for 6th and 7th years so the rest of the time we're goin to help the other teachers wit their classes. Plus, my cousin works there. I haven't seen him in awhile so it'll be good to catch up wit him." Kat grins. "U gots a frequent buyer card I can get, sumthin tells me Pat & I are goin to be needn more 'items' for the dahling angels we're goin to get the pleasure to teach." Kat rolls her eyes. George smiles. "Yeah, just fill this out, ok?" "K thanks." Kat fills it out & gives it back to George. George looks at it and then hands her a card. "Oh, by the way," George starts, "would you mind telling me who your cousin is?" "Sure, just don't tell anyone, cept Fred course. It's a surprise." Kat whispers the name into George's ear. George looks shell shocked. "YOU'RE KIDDING!!" "Nope, talk to ya later." She turns and sees Pat at the door waiting for her. "Kat, you bum. You still haven't given me my Matchbox 20 CD back yet!" Pat playfully growls at her. "Hey, I'll get it back to you after I burn it for myself." They walked out the door.   
  
"They were weird." Fred commented. "Yeah, and that's coming from us!" George replied. "But, they were like 30!" "How do you know that?!" "It's on the form for the frequent buyer's card. See? Name: Patricia H. Kirkman. B/D: June 16, 1975. Did the other one get a F.B.C?" "Yeah, lemme get it." George pulls out the slip of paper. "Here it is. Name: Kathryn M. Johnson. B/D: Oct 25. 1975." George looks at Fred. "Kathryn told me that she & Patricia were going to start teaching at Hogwarts this year." "Oh really?" Fred smirked. "This outta be fun." George grins evilly then cackles in merriment. "And you'll never guess who she's related to."  
  
A/N-Yeah, I kno I said I'd only post if I got 5 reviews but, I don't think many people will read this so what's the point n waiting? Oh, review if u wud please, even if it 2 flame. At least then I kno that the story's b-ing read. And 1 more thing, I'm not putting the disclaimer up in any of the other chapters. If, by some miracle, I do happen 2 become the proud owner of the HP characters, I'll let u know. 


	3. Hut hut, HIKE!

Before school, at Hogwarts, teacher's meeting  
  
"Hello everyone." Dumbledore greeted everyone. "Hello, Hi, How are you, Wazz up?" Everyone says at the same time. "I am here to tell you all who is teaching what. All of you here will teach the same thing you taught last school year." Dumbledore states with a smile.  
  
"But Dumbledore," McGonagall starts, "what about DADA, who is teaching that? And what about the new subject, Mythology?" "Remus Lupin will be returning to teach the DADA." At this Snape rolled his eyes. "As for who is teaching the new subject," he paused,"I am sworn to secrecy. "Everyone groans at this announcement. This CANNOT be good. "But I do want to inform you that the Mythology class will only be available for 6th and 7th years. Thank you, that's all for now. I will leave you to prepare for your classes." And with that, Dumbledore left them to talk amongst themselves.  
  
All of them, that is, except Snape. Being as anti-social as he is, he left. He wanted to think somewhere where, in his opinion, there wasn't so many distractions. 'Lupin?!?!' He thought. 'Why, of all people in this world, does it have to be LUPIN?!?! Well, it could be worse, THEY could be teaching it. Hmmmm, I wonder who the Mythology professor is.'  
  
At Pat and Kat's apartment  
  
Aaron, Chris, Andrew, and Danielle (Dani) had come over to help Kathryn and Patricia pack. "Are you sure you wanna do this?" Andrew asked, concerned. "Yes, we're sure. Think of it, lots 'o new people to torture and it won't be you guys." Pat answered. "And that is my favorite part of it." Chris said with a smirk. "You shouldn't be so rude, Chris. "Remarked Aaron. "Though that is a perk." "And here I thought you were on our side!" Pat said with a fake sob. "Are you guys sure you don't want to change your minds?" Dani asked. "Why," Kathryn asked with a fake look of bewilderment, "what's wrong with ones we have?" "Ohhhhh, what am I going to do without you?" Dani asked, as dramatically as she could. "Read?" Suggested Andrew. "Get a life?" Suggested Chris "Watch your brother?" Suggested Kat "Send us pics of hott guys?" Pat suggested. "Wanna go out with me?" Aaron asked. "Sure, that sounds good." Dani answered.  
  
They finished packing that around 11pm. And while Aaron, Chris, and Andrew left Dani stayed with Pat & Kat for a "no sleeping sleep-over."  
  
A/N: I don't own Chris, Aaron, Andrew, or Danielle. B/c if I did they would most definitely protest. 


	4. Stags, wolves, and dogs OH MY!

On Platform 9 ¾  
  
A 6' 2", muscular young man with spiky vibrant red hair & deep blue eyes had just said good bye to his mom and was looking for his friends, one of which he found almost immediately, a young man of 6'0" with messy jet black hair and forest green eyes. This young man also has a peculiar shaped scar on his forehead; it was shaped like a lightening bolt.  
  
"Hey Harry!" The red-haired boy said to the black-haired boy, who was obviously Harry.  
  
"Hi Ron," Harry said back, "where's Ginny?"  
  
"Oh, she spent the last couple of weeks of vacation with a friend. A 6th year Ravenclaw by the name of Soula Venger."  
  
"Oh, ok. By any chance have you seen Hermione yet?"  
  
"Nope, if she isn't here now she'll be here soon. She's the Head Girl you know."  
  
"Yeah, I know. Who's the Head Boy this year?"  
  
"Roger Davis is."  
  
"I see. Did you tell her yet?"  
  
"Yeah, and it seems she had a crush on me, too. We're now 'officially' going out."  
  
"GREAT!!"  
  
All the while they have been walking through the train trying to find an empty compartment, or at least one where they like all the people in it, when they came across a locked compartment.  
  
"That's strange." Ron commented. "Do you remember the compartments being lockable?" He asked his companion.  
  
Harry shook his head. "Come on; let's just find a different one."  
  
"Ok." While they were walking Ron thought that he heard giggling coming from the locked compartment, but when Harry started talking about Quidditch he forgot all about it.  
  
Inside the locked compartment  
  
"So, how we gonna make our grand entrance?" Kat asked Pat while gesturing wildly with her hands.  
  
"Well, last time I was at Esther's house she showed me how to make fake rain, wind, lightenin, and thunda. I was thinkin bout usin dat." Pat replied.  
  
"Oooooo. How interesting. But donchu think dis is a bit TOO much?"  
  
Pat thought about this. "Yeah, you may be right .... NOT!!!! We wanna scare the livin daylights outta your cuz, right?" Kat nodded. "And we wanna make a good first impression on everyone when we get there, right?" Again Kat nodded. "So we needa do alla dis."  
  
"Ok." Kat finally agreed. "So, how we gonna do it?" They started planning their "Grand Entrance" which led to a lot of giggling, which eventually lead to all out laughter.  
  
At school (before the students arrived) in a back room  
  
Snape paced around the room. "Why isn't the Mythology professor here yet?!?!" He asked, exasperated.  
  
"Because they will be coming in after the new students are sorted." Dumbledore explained.  
  
"WHAT?!?! WHY?!?!" Snape blinked. "Did you say 'they'?"  
  
"Because that's what they asked for and yes, I did say 'they'."  
  
"Why two professors?" The man in the back of the room asked.  
  
"SHUT UP LUPIN!!" Snape snapped. "Why ARE there going to be two professors?" He asked Dumbledore.  
  
"Mostly because we couldn't get one without the other but also because Mythology is too big a subject for just one professor to handle."  
  
"FINE!!" Snape said with his famous scowl.  
  
Dumbledore looked at his watch, which at the time said 'Hurry up, slowpoke.' "Well," said Dumbledore, "we'd better get going if we want to get to the feast on time." And with that Dumbledore walked out of the room, leaving the two other men by themselves.  
  
"Come on; we need to go." Lupin kindly said to Snape, but Snape just gave him cold stares the whole way to the feast.  
  
A/N: I don't own Esther b/c she would NOT stand for it. Nor do I own Soula Venger, though she probably wouldn't mind as much. 


	5. Madness and Mayhem

At school, a nice cool, clear evening. But not for long.  
  
****After the Sorting Ceremony****  
  
Everyone in the Mess Hall (Great Hall) looked up at the ceiling as it changed from clear to dark and stormy.  
  
"Hey," Harry said, "why did it all of a sudden become dark and stormy?"  
  
"I checked the weather for today." A girl of 5' 8" with long, wavy brown hair said. "It said it would be a clear night. I wanted to get started on my Astronomy homework."  
  
Ron looks astonished. "But we haven't even gotten our assignments yet, Hermione."  
  
"Oh, I guess you're right. Ok, but it would have still been romantic to look at the stars with my special someone." Hermione stated with a slight smirk. Ron blushed.  
  
There was suddenly thunder, lightening, rain, and wind outside. The thunder was very loud, as if it was right over the castle.  
  
'This is almost something, noooooo. It couldn't be them. Oh please Lord, don't let it be them.' Snape thought throughout this whole thing.  
  
Then, there were loud banging noises coming from the direction of the doors leading out of the Great Hall. It sounded like someone was knocking but it was ten times louder then what any human could muster alone.  
  
With all this noise everyone had put their heads down as if to shield themselves from the monstrously loud noises, because frankly everyone was going deaf.  
  
Then, just as suddenly as it had started, it stopped. The lights were off, but as the last lightening streak went through the sky they flickered back on.  
  
"What was that?" Harry questioned.  
  
"I dunno." Kathryn responded. "Any clue Pat?" "Nope, sorry Kat." Was Patricia's reply. They were sitting on either side of Professor Snape, who looked like he was going to be sick. "Why, Snape dahling," Kathryn started in her, very fake, Victorian British accent, "you look positively dreadful. Are you coming down with something?" "Yeah," Patricia picked up what she called her British hick accent, "you sure u didn't eat none of those crawlin pepper things? Cause, those ain't peppers, they ants." Snape looked like he wanted to be swallowed by the ground. He looked towards Dumbledore with a pleading look. Dumbledore just smiled and started his speech.  
  
"Welcome students!" Dumbledore began. "This year we have the pleasure of welcoming back a new teacher." He nodded towards Lupin. "And welcoming two new teachers who will be teaching the new Mythology subject and helping out in other classes." When he turned to nod at Kat & Pat he saw that Kat had conjured up a couple pencils and was pretending to play the drums while Pat played the air guitar. When they saw him looking at them, they stopped and smiled, trying to look innocent but didn't quite pull it off.  
  
Dumbledore shook his head. "As I was saying, Professor Patricia Kirkman will be helping out in Divination while Professor Kathryn Sander will be helping out in Potions." When he looked at them again Kathryn was staring at him with her mouth open, resting her head on her hand, and looking very dazed, Patricia was rocking on the back legs of her chair while muttering the words to a song she knew, and Snape was slumped over pretending to be invisible. "Oh, this is going to be a very fun year." Dumbledore said in a very sarcastic voice. "As always, the Forbidden Forest is forbidden and anyone caught breaking the rules will have to answer to Mr. Filch." In the back Filch grinned his nasty grin while a single flash of lightening went off (courtesy of Pat). "And I want you all to know that most detentions will be spent with the two new professors and that they have come up with interesting detentions, to say the very least."  
  
At the mentions of detentions Pat & Kat sat up straight and got a wild in their eye.  
  
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! You brats never escape from OUR detentions!!!!!" Kat said overdramatically, as usual.  
  
"DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!" Pat added.  
  
Snape, seeing his opening for the first real fun he had had for years, inconspicuously flicked his wand and creepy organ music started playing.  
  
At hearing the organ music from Snape Pat and Kat looked at him, shocked. Then preceded to glomp him.  
  
"I knew you still had it in ya cuz!!" Kat said, hugging her cousin.  
  
"AWESOME!!!! Our music maker is back!" Pat screamed.  
  
"Would you all please take your seats?" Dumbledore asked, as calm as ever, if not a little bit exasperated.  
  
"Sure, sure." Kat said. "You're the boss, boss." Pat said. Snape made no noise and sat back in his seat while trying to salvage what dignity he had left.  
  
Dumbledore sighed, deeply. "Let's all hope we survive the year. Feast time!!!!" At these words the serving plates on the tables were filled with delicious food.  
  
"Well, what do you think?" Dumbledore asked Lupin. "I think we are all going to have some well deserved fun this year." Lupin replied as he heard Pat complain about there being no pizza. "Lots of fun." He caught Kathryn's eye and waved. She blushed a tiny bit and waved back.  
  
"I don't know how we are going to survive this." Harry said.  
  
"I agree." Ron said. "Fred and George are going to be sooooo upset that they missed this. What do you think of this, Hermione?"  
  
"Madness and mayhem, Ron." She answered while looking at the two new professors. "Madness and mayhem." And everyone who heard her nodded their heads in agreement.  
  
A/N: Sry Pat if I screwed up ur British Hick accent. Oh, and I'm sorry if I messed up what Dumbledore is supposed to say. WEEEEEEEE HEHEHEHE!!!! THE INSANITY CONTINUES!!!! Well, hope u all had as much fun reading this as I had writing it. Adieu and, l8r dudes!!!! (and dudettes ^_^) 


	6. BWAHAHAHAHA, twitch twitch

**** The next morning****  
  
The next morning at breakfast while everyone was eating there were two empty seats at the professor's table. As for the professors that were there; Lupin looked nervous, Snape looked like there were grasshoppers in his pants, Dumbledore looked exasperated, McGonnagle looked irritated, but everyone else seemed not to notice the two empty seats.  
  
"I wonder where Professors Kathryn and Patricia are." Dumbledore wondered out loud.  
  
Snape literally sprung out of his seat causing many professors, and students, to look at him strangely. "I can go look for them if you want me to." He said.  
  
"Alright, if you want to." Dumbledore answered.  
  
"I think I should go with him." Lupin interjected. Dumbledore raised an eyebrow while Snape fumed. "Okay, just as long as you don't kill each other." Both of them grumbled their consent as they walked out of the Great (Mess) Hall.  
  
After they had gotten away from most of the people Snape turned to Lupin and asked, "Why did you have to come along?" "So that you wouldn't do anything nasty to your cousin and Pat." Lupin answered. "Oh come on, all I'm going to do if we find them still in bed is conjure up some ice water to pour on them." "See, THAT is what I'm talking about. I swear, it's like you become a whole other person when it comes to Kat and Pat." "Lupin, give it up. I am not going to tell you any of the answers you're fishing for." "I was just ..." "You were just thinking that if you knew me better that you'd have a better chance with Kathryn. Well forget it, I am not helping you." "Fine, be that way you big baby." Lupin grumbled ending the conversation, for now.  
  
Snape knocked on the door "Kat, Pat? Are either of you in there?" When there was no response Lupin tried. "Kathryn, Patricia? We're coming in." They turned he doorknob and realizing it was unlocked went into the women professor's room. After looking around for them Snape said something stupid, "They're not here." "Thank you Captain Obvious" Lupin retorted sarcastically. "Ok, ok. No need to get snippy." "But if they're not here where could they be?" "We'll LOOK for them, ok?" "Alright, FINE! Where should we start looking for them first?" "I don't know, maybe they are already back at the Great Hall. Let's go look." "Alright." Lupin sighed.  
  
****In the Forbidden Forest****  
  
"See, I told you he'd still be here." Pat said to Kat. "No, you didn't." Kat replied. "Oh," Patricia chuckled, "you're right, I didn't." Kathryn rolled her eyes. "Don't roll you're eyes at me Kathryn." "Why not? It's a free ... oh wait, I can't say that anymore. Well, you were acting ditzy." "We're always acting ditzy." "I know, isn't it great?" This time it was Pat who rolled her eyes. "So, where is he?" Patricia asked. "How should I know? Why don't we call him and see if he come." "Ok, sounds like a plan."  
  
So together they yelled ... "KEVIN, Kevinnnnn, Keviiiin??!!!!" After a while of their calling a white fox came running to them. "Awww, there you are you little cute pie." Kathryn said. "Cutie pie?" A voice said. "Cutie pie?" At that moment the white fox turned into a 17 year old boy who was 6' 2" muscular and had bright red shoulder length hair. "Haha, Kevin it's so good to see you again after so many years!" Pat said while hugging Kevin. "Likewise, both of you." Kevin said while hugging Pat then turning and hugging Kat. "Come on," Kat said, "we have to get to breakfast. We have many people to introduce you to Kevin." "We are going to have soooo much fun this year you won't even believe it!" Pat said. "Can't wait!" Kevin replied with a Cheshire like smile.  
  
Sooooo, how'd u like it? Sry bout not updating, but no one's reading this anyways. Kevin is kinda my & Pat's creation, kinda belongs 2 Yu-Yu Hakusho. Bye peeps. 


	7. KAZOOOOOOOOO

The bell rang and all the students sat in the Mythology classroom. The two teachers hadn't shown up yet and the students were completely rambunctious. Ron and Hermione were holding hands and talking, Harry was yelling at some blonde kid, and Ginny was staring at the ceiling. A huge gust of wind blew the door open and papers everywhere. The walls began to shake and dust fell from the ceiling. The lights flickered then went off as a thick smoke covered the room. The door slammed shut in the darkness, and a loud maniacal laughter rang throughout the room. The lights shot on in full blast, blinding the room, and then relaxed into a light glow. Pat and Kat stood in front of the class, grinning wildly. "Alrighty peoples, grab your books and follow us outside, we're gonna study a dragon today." The class just kinda sat in shock. "Let's move people!" Pat called out in a military voice. The class sluggishly got out of their seats and headed outside, following Kat while her counterpart slid away.

They reached a clearing and stood around. The blonde kid, who was teasing Harry, groaned. "They led us to absolutely nothing. These teachers are morons." Kat called out a name in elfish and soon an ice blue dragon flew down from the sky, landing directly in front of the blonde kid.

"Malfoy, watch who you talk down to." Malfoy grumbled and stood back up and dusted himself off, after falling from the impact of the dragon landing by him. The dragon blew smoke at him as Kathryn opened her book and taught the kids about how dragons came into being.

Soon the bell rang and the students filed back in. Harry and his friends walked around the corner just as he thought of something. "Did anyone see Professor Kirkman when we were studying the dragon?" Ron and Hermione shook their heads.

"No Harry, mabie we should check again." The three moved back around, and saw Kat talking to the dragon.

"Ah, isn't it nice knowing what Malfoy's saying when he doesn't realize it?" The dragon laughed, and transformed back into Patricia.

"Oh yeah, he got all red." Patricia stated, laughing.

"Just like the good old days, Remus, Sirius, James, and Lily would be proud." The blonde nodded in agreement, gently rubbing her Celtic ring.

"Yeah, I miss them. Well Remus is still here." She smiled and they headed back inside. Harry and his group turned back to the main doors, in shock.

"They knew Mum and Dad." Hermione put her hand, sympathetically around Harry's arm.

"C'mon, let's get to lunch; the day's only half over."

Harry tried to concentrate on his crystal ball but instead, he just kept thinking about the new teachers knowing his parents. Professor Trelawney went off on how Harry was gonna die, yet again, as everyone sniggered. Pat stood in the corner, laughing and shaking her head. The professor waved her hand and hit her crystal ball, and she teetered after it. Pat moved out from the shadow of the wall. "Anyways kiddo's, how about we try something else?" Pavarti and her little friends grumbled and everyone else just looked bored, but Harry's head snapped up. "You, laughing girl, come here." Pavarti looked up and walked forward slowly. "Ok, turn around and close your eyes." The girl did as told and Pat walked over to the rest of the class. She picked Ron and told him to stand behind her. He looked totally confused, but went on ahead. "Ok Pavarti, tell me what you sense." Pavarti's eyes closed tighter and she tried to concentrate. "No, no, no. Relax, let your mind clear, and breathe in and out. Lower your shoulders girl, I'm not gonna have someone beat you over the head or anything. Relax; imagine a calm forest and a lightly babbling brook." Finally the girl was relaxed and Ron stepped forward.

"Ron, get away from me." Pavarti shouted.

"And that's seeing." Pat said, grinning just as the bell rang.

Kathryn stood, grinning, next to a perturbed Snape. "Ok everyone, let's try an insanity potion. Take some milkweed and larcust. Crush it gently and add water so that a green liquid is seen, then pour that into your cauldron. Now pour in some coke." Kat grinned and put her index finger to her arm and pushed her thumb down while yelling.

"COKE!!!" Everyone looked at her funny but she just kept on grinning.

The potions were ready and tested on rats. Most of the rats went psycho but Ron's got sick.

"Weasley, you're a buffoon, you added too much coke."

"Dude, Cuz, leave the kid alone, not like you were perfect when you were their age." Snape's face went white.

"I told you not to bring up the past while you're here."

"Aww, but you were so cute and evil back then." She stated, while pinching his cheeks. He pushed her off him as he heard the class giggle.

Malfoy and his cronies wandered around the hall towards the great hall. "Those teachers are such friggen morons, and so childish. They're probably dumber than Weasley." They all chuckled till they heard footsteps behind them. Malfoy slowly turned around and ended up face to face with Pat.

"Malfoy, to my office now, you know where that is, I saw your little note." She pulled her hand out pf the pocket of her robes and unfolded a piece of paper. Inside it read: "Sirius is dead, long live the Dark Lord." Her face was shadowed as she tossed it into the air and spat fire onto it. "You're in deep." She turned on her heel, a sullen Malfoy behind her.

Kathryn came into Patricia's office to see Malfoy cleaning bat guano off of the windows. Kat giggled. "Pat, you cruel person you." Her friend smiled back, and then looked at Malfoy.

"Am I still too childish, Malfoy?" Go to your tower; report back to me at 20 hundred hours tomorrow." A disgruntled Malfoy stalked out of the room, smelling of guano. Pat glared at him, and watched as he closed the door, then looked up at Kat, handing over the note. Kathryn read it, and then nodded gravely. "I caught him talking trash about us too."

"Will he ever go to the light?" Pat shook her head.

"I'm startin to doubt it." She finished her writing and slammed her book closed. "Go on to bed, I'll be up in a few moments." Kathryn squeezed her friend's shoulder sympathetically and walked up the stairs to the sleeping quarters.

Harry slipped out of bed silently. He slid into his slippers and shuffled down stairs and out the portrait hole. He just had to figure out the connection between the new teachers and his parents. Because of his height, he now had to duck down in order to fit under the invisibility cloak. The slippers quietly scuffed the floor till they stopped in front of the door to mythology. Inside, he heard the soft crying of a female. Gently and slowly he pushed the door open and peered in. In her usual chair, sat Patricia, holding a picture frame and crying softly. As he entered the door, her sobs stopped and she stiffened. In a hoarse voice, she whispered, "Harry?" The boy slowly closed the door and pulled off his cloak.

"Yeah, you won't tell will you?" Pat turned to him and shook her head.

"Nah, I won't tell. Now lemme guess… You wanna know how I know your family?" Harry nodded, astonished. "Well, you see, Kathryn and I were foreign exchange students here once. We met James and Lily, and the guys. Kathryn dated Remus for a while till this Oldie Moldy Voldie crap, and I… I was with… Sirius…." Harry's jaw dropped.

"You do know…."

"Yeah, I know he passed through the curtain." She sighed and ran her finger over the frame of the picture, and then handed it to Harry. Inside was the moving image of Pat and Sirius, holding each other. On her left hand ring finger, was a diamond ring. "That was taken the day before graduation. Sirius had asked me to marry him in 3 years. I told him I would." She closed her eyes and sighed. "But that's enough with the past. Harry, I found this when I went to help Remus clean out your parents' house." She reached into her drawer and pulled out a box, and handed it to him. He opened it, and inside, was a locket. On one side was a picture of him, in the middle was a picture of his mom, and on the other side, was his dad's picture. He looked up at his teacher. "Thanks. This means a lot." Pat smiled.

"Go to bed young man. Tomorrow's a big day." Harry nodded and left, feeling better.


	8. SNUFFLES! glomps snuffles

Down in a dark room of the Ministry Of Magic, there was a thick black curtain. It rippled gently as voices whispered. A glowing blue cloud whisked through the room and into the curtain. It rippled harder then blew hard to the side. A dark blue spark started radiating out of the black, coming closer to the opening. A pale hand came from behind, grasping the edge of the fabric and pulled it to the side. A tall figure of a man, stepped out, his Celtic necklace glowed brightly, illuminating a gruff face. The man took a deep breath and smiled. "I'm back." He whispered hoarsely.

Patricia sat up in bed, the covers falling off the top of her body, her hair falling over her maroon shirt. "Kathryn" she yelled from across the room. Her friend gave no answer. Pat got up and turned on Kathryn's radio. The brunette shot up.

"WTF?!?"

"Kat, I had a vision. Sirius is alive." Kathryn stared at her friend in shock.

"You're kidding?!?"

"You really think I'd kid about something like this?!? I'm frickin scared. I already had to deal with losing him once, I can't do it again." Kathryn gave her a hug.

"It'll be alright." Pat cried in her arms till she fell asleep.

The next day at mythology, there was only one professor. The class stayed inside because the storm raging outside. "Ok class; turn in your reports on dragons. Malfoy leave Ron alone. Quiet reading, which means no smart mouth comments." Kathryn sat behind her desk and pulled out her romance novel. Inside Harry's head, he distinctively heard Pat's voice.

"Harry, come here. I need to talk to you." He looked around to try and find where it came from. "Harry, its Professor Kirkman. I'm in the back room. I've got something important to tell you." He raised his eyebrow and walked to the front. Kat looked at him.

"Yes?"

"Professor Kirkman called me into the back." Kat nodded and he went to the back room, shutting the door behind him.

"Umm, what's up?"

"Have a seat." Harry sat on the leather couch across from Pat. Harry, I had a vision in my sleep last night. Sirius is alive." Harry's Jaw dropped.

"Are you serious?!?" Pat nodded and took off her ring, motioning him to look at it. He held out his hand and looked at the Celtic ring. The small, blue, diamond shaped stone glowed brilliantly.

"That ring was giving to me by a strange vendor our 6th year. I was also given a necklace of the same design, for Sirius's Christmas present. I knew there was some charm on it, excuse the pun. It glowed softly when ever we were together, but never this brilliantly. In my dream, I saw the curtain; it rippled harder and harder till the bottom blew up. Behind it was the brilliant glow of hi necklace, and he pulled the curtain to the side and stepped out. He's alive." Harry just stared at her in utter disbelief. His God Father not only dated his teacher, but he's been brought back to life by a gift from her. "I have told Dumbledore. He's preparing a room." She took a deep breath. "I'm scared."

Harry looked at his teacher. She had total worry in her eyes and she was shaking.

"Are you sure?" She nodded.

"Yeah, he's alive and coming here."

"Coming here?!?"

"Yeah, he's hitch hiking, I can feel him coming." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then opened them, smiling. "Be watchful. He's coming to see you. He has no idea I'm here." She laughed lightly. Harry just stared at her in disbelief. He was about to say something just as the bell rang. "Ok kiddo, have fun at your next class."

"Yeah, bye." And he was out the door.

"Harry, what were you doing in the office?" Hermione asked him, while holding Ron's hand. Harry was in too much of a daze to notice someone was talking to him. "HARRY!!!"

"Huh wah?"

"Dude, what's wrong with you." Ron asked. Harry just shrugged.

"I'll tell you guys in privacy later. I don't need anyone picking this up." They ran up to the common room and sat in their usual chairs, skipping class. "Diseramous lefirius" Harry whispered, flicking his wand. The room was covered in a grayish film. "Ok, we're completely alone. Professor Kirkman called me into her office through telepathy." He took a deep breath. "She said she had a vision…." "Sirius is alive…" His friends moved in closer.

"Are you sure?" Hermione asked a tremble in her voice. Ron just stared in disbelief, his mouth gaping.

"Yeah, she said he's coming here."

"But how could he be alive? We saw him fall into that curtain." Tears came to Harry's eyes.

"I trust her. She's not lying. She said it was the doing of an old Celtic necklace she gave him. Said it had a charm on it and brought him back to life through her matching ring…" Ron held his forehead, shaking lightly.

"I'm so confused." Hermione was still shocked.

"That's completely impossible." Harry shrugged.

"Man thought magic was impossible so obviously the idea of impossibility is smaller than anyone thought." Hermione blinked.

"Well that was profound."

"So when is her due to arrive?" Ron asked. Harry shook his head.

"Dunno."

Kathryn looked at her friend. "You sure you don't mind if Remus and I go out? You know you could always come to the movies with us." Pat shook her head.

"No, I know you two wanna be alone. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine." She flashed a fake grin to make her friends go. As soon as they had left the castle, Pat got out of her bed. She shuffled down the halls to the forbidden forest. She whistled, calling her hippogriff.

"Professor Kirkman, may I have a word with you?' Pat turned around to see the face of Dumbledore.

"Sure, wasshaken?" Dumbledore smiled with an amused twinkle in his eyes.

"I have noticed a strange air around you. Unfortunately, you have the ability to block me out," he chuckled. "But I can tell you are a bit excited and nervous." Pat smiled, laughing to herself.

"Sirius Black is still alive." Dumbledore laughed.

"Ah, so now I see why you can't stop smiling. I suppose it was that charm you gave him, yes? Well I guess you two will be picking up where you left off. Go on your way; just make sure you're back before tonight's festivities." Pat nodded in agreement, and then mounted her hippogriff, Madison. She took off into the soft glow of the moon. Dumbledore looked after her for a moment, smiling and shaking his head. "Ah, young love." And he turned to go back inside the castle.

Patricia stood inside the shrieking shack, taking in the musty smell. She pulled her wand out of her robes and flicked it once. "Killarnious" she whispered. Puffs of dust started blowing off of the floors and walls. The windows opened, letting the dust outside. She sat down on an old couch and sang "Forget it" by Breaking Benjamin while waiting for the house to clean. The doors were straightened and tightened, then oiled down so they no longer squeak. Soon the house was splendid again. Just in time for the door to open. Patricia turned with a smile on her face. In the door way was a large, shaggy, black dog. They stared at each other a few moments, before she spoke. "Well hello there Sirius. Long time no see." The door closed gently behind the dog as he padded forward. Within a few moments the dog had turned into a tall man with a slight muscular build, dark brown hair, and brown eyes. He walked to her slowly, his eyes slowly scanning her.

"Patricia?" His voice was shaking noticeably. "Is… is that… you?" She smiled gently.

"Yeah, Sirius, it's me." A tear trickled down her cheek. He reached out his hand and whipped it away.

"So you brought me back to life…? What are you doing here?" Pat grinned.

"Yeah, I guess I did. I'm teaching Mythology, with Kathryn." Sirius blinked.

"Kat's here too?"

"Yup, she's on a date with Remus right now."

"Remus's here too?"

"Yeah, he's doing DADA." Sirius still looked unsure.

"I'm not dreaming? It's really you?" Pat laughed, shaking her head. She reached around his waist, pulling him to her. Gently, she kissed him.

"Harry should be here soon. I sent him an owl." He tightened his grip on her and collapsed into her arms, sobbing. She staggered and sat/fell onto the couch, still holding him. Her cheek rested against his as she rubbed his back.

"Damn I missed you so much." He held her tighter.

"I missed you too."


	9. Freaky chick glares

A/N: Not mine, thank God! Spoilers, albeit just a couple things, from book 6. No likey spoilers, no ready thingy.

Kathryn came rushing into Professor Snape's room. "SEVIE! SEVIE! Wake up! I just a letter from some chick named J. K. Rowling who I think is seriously on drugs."

"Just what are you babbling on about Kathryn?" Snape asked as he looked up from grading essays his 3rd year class just turned in 'God these kids are getting dumber each year.'

Kathryn put both fisted hands on her hips and proceeded to frown and look altogether angry. "Some freaky chick wrote in like a newsletter or something, that all this time you have been evil and just biding your time until Moldie Voldie regained his power and body and then you were going to return to him."

Snape looked positively sick. "Ew! Someone actually thought and wrote that I would go back to that sick perverted freak!"

"But that's not all. Look!" Kathryn shoved piece of paper into Snape's face. "It _also _says that you kill Dumbledore. _You _kill _Dumbledore_! Who the flip would believe that!" Kathryn was near shouting now, her face red with her fuming.

WHAT! Bu … ho … wha … who would _write_ something like this! Just WHAT is this world coming to? Sick freaks thinking I would go back to Old Moldie" Snape grabbed the piece of paper from Kathryn mumbling and grumbling to hisself whilst walking over to his desk. "Ah ha!"

Kathryn walked over in confusion. "What?"

"What what?"

"You said 'Ah ha' what was the 'Ah ha' for?"

"Oh, I also got a letter from this J. K. Rowling character. In the one she wrote to me it says that Sirius is dead and there is no reviving him."

"But that stupid, he's alive and kicking thanks to whatever resurrected him." Kathryn scrunched up her forehead. "Ok, Pat and me is gonna find this person & show 'em a lil' what for."

"I didn't understand what half of that was but …. GOOD LUCK WITH IT!" Snape shouted while he pumped his fist in the air.

Meanwhile on the outside of the door

"Bloody hell!" Ron exclaimed.

"I know." Harry agreed.

"They converted him!"

"I _know_."

"They bloody converted Snape!"

"_I KNOW!_" Harry stated getting exasperated with Ron. "come one, we've got to find Hermione and tell her about this."

Ron followed Harry shaking his head. "She is never going to believe this."

A/N: Sorry for the weirdness of it all, I just had to get it off my chest.


End file.
